Having twins has made Julia Roberts even more beautiful, according to People magazine. The 37-year-old actress and mother of five-month-old boy/girl twins has been chosen as the cover girl of People magazine's annual "50 Most Beautiful People" issue for a record third time.
"Now that she has her babies, she has reached the peak of beauty," the magazine quotes Roberts' friend and makeup artist Genevieve.
Hopeful and excited that I, too, may still have a peak of beauty in my future, I asked my friend and makeup artist, Peaches, for her opinion. Peaches snapped her chewing gum loudly, rolled her eyes and exclaimed, "Sugar, you done peaked twenty years ago. Now sit still while I finish trimming your nose hair."
Peaches is such a bitch.
So, I started back on that Flaxseed and Celery diet that I was following a few months ago. It was most definitely not enjoyable, but, hey, I lost fifteen pounds and got pregnant.
Every time I get pregnant, I scan my memory for anything that I might have done differently during the month or two before. Usually I can't remember anything because, well, my memory sucks ass. I'm talking some serious ass suckage here, people. My husband, who has grown accustomed to calmly explaining, "we've already seen that one, honey" every time we go to rent a movie, can attest to my memory impairment. Then there's my BFFBF, Getupgrrl, who bangs her head on the wall out of sheer frustration during many of our conversations, and who has recommended that I "TAKE SOME FUCKING GINKO!" which is not such a bad idea, actually. Except I keep forgetting to buy some.
Out of desperation, I have attributed my first three pregnancies to lucky socks, an inspiring message found in a fortune cookie, and saving the life of a big hairy spider by scooping it into a cup and releasing it into the wild instead of letting my husband squash it with his giant shoe. Uh, respectively. This time I remembered exactly what I had done differently because - trust me on this - the taste of flaxseed oil is not something you can easily forget.
But I guess it can't hurt to try it again, right? So, my dears, here is what I can eat: Lean poultry, beef, seafood, non-starchy vegetables and non-starchy fruit. That's it. No dairy, no salt, no caffeine, no starch, no sugar, no rice, no nuts, no beans, no flour, no oil, (except for flaxseed oil) no alcohol -- basically nothing that tastes good at all.
And if I cheat, Peaches will be very disappointed.
So, um...please help. We've been eating nothing but chili lately and quite frankly, we're sick of it. I need some new ideas. And my husband will surely thank you, too.
Recipes? Anybody? Please?
